Burger Politics

 

I've heard so many rules on the fast food burger recently that the rules have begun to spawn their own rules.

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I'm here to put YOU the consumer in the know!

 

We've all dined at mcdonalds and wished we hadn't. Shit it straight out good sir

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I mean I'm not gonna sit and knock all the corporate giants folks. I'm not a politically minded man. Basically I'm here to give these guys the credit they deserve.

That's right. Wimpy. They deliver what is known in the trade as 'Fast Food Slowed down'

They want you to sit and enjoy your meal. Upon entering a wimpy restaurant you are shown to a table and told to take a minute. Slow it down y'know. It's not about hurry eating. It's about enjoying it for what it is.

This man is the main man of every Wimpy Restaurant.

Ready to order sir?

He's older than he looks and looks a million bucks! Call him Lloyd. You won't get a crap burger off this gentleman. No no no sir. Not our policy. 

Look how tight that burger is. No salad or sauce spilling out. No sir. Plus with a name like 'The Bold Burger' you'd be a fool to turn it down! Every chip is individually cleaned to get rid of excess grease and is served on a white plate.

 

There it is folks. You want a lovely tight neat little burger served with piping hot fries on a clean plate? You my good sir want fast food sloooooowed down!

What does this guy think?

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I loves loves loves it mate! Chuff me! you caught me unawares!  I've got no trooosers on Crust!

Thats enough of that. Mark my words you've not heard the last of the Wimpy revival.

I've coined an advert for it...

A cop and his partner search for a killer but they gotta eat right. The black dude wants a KFC 'cos its soul food right. The white guy wants Mcdonalds as their the burgers his dying father used to champion.

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Starring Martin Lawrence and Lawrence Oliviéré

They're hurtling through a market scene, fighting over which direction to take. Martin Lawrence's character is singing Dr Dre songs really loud and Lawrence's charcter is fighting to cover his ears and change the direction of the car, when...

POW, SMASH, BANG, WALLOP!

They stumble across a Wimpy. They both give each other a look and a shrug. In they both go. The black guys is cool, cursing and rapping in his baggy trousers and Dr Dre. t-shirt. The white guy is putting his suit jacket on and dusting himself down whilst checking his filo fax for his next power lunch menu. 

The beauty of this advert is its simplicity. It wouldn't need a huge budget. Just enough to get Martin Lawrence. If there isn't enough pence for that then just cast Chris Rock/Chris Tucker. It would still work. The moral of the advert is that these guys for however different they are, are two sides of the same coin. They both enjoy a good Wimpy meal.

There you go! See it's an advert about Wimpy. Mmmmm. But also it's crossing a racial barrier. These two are so different but it doesn't matter. We all love Wimpy together!!

ITS A WIMPY REVIVAL!

Back To Crust's Page. There's free Bon-voyage toast for all!